


Green with Envy

by kaylaber1



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Rating May Change, obviously they fall in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-11 06:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18425091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaylaber1/pseuds/kaylaber1
Summary: What better way to give Jim a taste of his own medicine than to sleep with his first officer? ......Or at least, make himthinkthat you're sleeping with his first officer.





	1. Chapter 1

"Bonesy, It's only business. You know that."

"Oh sure. Because you just _had_ to stick your tongue down her throat. For diplomatic reasons."

It was far from the first time they'd had this argument. Sure, McCoy had known Jim was a bit of a flirt when they'd started this relationship, but it wasn't the flirting that upset him. It was the fawning, the _pawing_ , the soft, tender look in Jim's eyes, and now, the kissing, that made Leo McCoy's blood boil. Made him feel less like a lover and more like a pet or a favorite toy.

"I didn't have my tongue down her throat, Bones."

"Right. Because that makes it so. Much. Better."

He knows just how poisonous his tone is, and doesn't care to fix it. Jim should know just exactly how this made him feel. He deserved to face his mistake in the form of McCoy's piercing blue eyes staring him down with all the venom he can muster.

"Bones, _sweetheart_ -"

"Don't you 'sweetheart' me, you son of a bitch! I've had it up to here with your philandering ass! Either you cut this shit out, or I walk."

Silence. A full beat of it, and every second deafening. When Jim's eyes shift guiltily to the floor, Leonard's heart sinks in his chest.

"Jim. This shouldn't be a hard decision."

More silence.

"Goddamit."

His voice is quiet. He can't bring himself to yell. He just hurts too bad. McCoy closes his eyes and sighs, rubbing his temples with one hand, trying to process what's happening.

"Bones, I'm sorry. It's not you, I promise, It's just-"

McCoy raises a hand to silence him, not having the courage to look up.

"Don't embarrass yourself anymore Jim."

Across from him, Jim stiffens, looking far more the Starship Captain and far less the gentle-hearted lover Leonard had come to know. His features are stilled in a look of authority, unreadable.

"My first priority, Doctor McCoy, is the safety of this ship and every crewman aboard, and if maintaining that should require me to _'stick my tongue down someone's throat'_ , then I will do it. I'm sorry that there isn't more I can do, but the fact of the matter is that it was the safest way to get out of there without bloodshed- something I thought that you, as a man of medicine, might understand. I cannot guarantee that there won't be another time I have to seduce my way out of something. I don't like it either, but that's just the way it is."

"Yeah. Like that."

Leonard rolls his eyes, and gets up from his chair, crossing the room so that they're only a few feet apart. He sighs, steeling himself for whatever happens. If Jim could put on his tough face and act like he was above this, then so could he.

"Ya know Jim, I don't believe you've ever called me by my first name so long as I've known you."

It's a simple statement. A mere observation, really. But the point behind it is clear as day, and it hangs heavy in the air between them.

"You're right, Captain. You've got a big ole starship to command, the needs of one individual simply do not apply. Go back to the bridge. Command your ship. Lead your adventures. Be the Don Juan of the stars. You won't have to worry about lil ole me getting in your way anymore."

"Bones-"

"Get out of my quarters before I call security."

Jim opens his mouth to speak again, then thinks better of it. Nothing more to say, he turns on his heel and leaves, the automatic door sliding shut anticlimactically behind him. Alone, Leonard lets himself sink back into his chair, placing his head in his hands. A shitty day had melted into a shitty night and all he wanted was to drown out the heartache with the bottle of imported bourbon in his cabinet, but he was due for Alpha shift in 12 hours. His attention drifts to the bottle of anti-hangover pills on the shelf next to the bourbon...

"...Fuck it."

He debates a glass, but ultimately decides against it, instead unscrewing the top and downing a healthy amount of the dark liquid. Before long, half of it was gone, and Leo was practically melted to his desk, weeping softly and trying to reason with his alcohol fogged mind as to why calling Jim back to his quarters to make up was a bad idea. In the end, the only way he can stop himself from doing something stupid is to put his miserable, drunk ass to sleep.

 

*************************************

 

When he wakes, he's mildly surprised to find that despite the pills, he still has a splitting headache. Upon investigating his liquor cabinet, he decides that he's lucky that's  _all_  he's got. He hasn't drank like this since Jocelyn told him she wanted a divorce, and he doesn't like it one bit. McCoy pulls on a uniform, takes a painkiller, and drags himself down to sickbay with the energy of a kicked dog.

"My, look what the cat dragged in. Long night, Leo?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Chris."

McCoy sets about taking inventory, pointedly ignoring the pout his nurse was giving him. Let her pout. It was none of her damn business, anyway. He hears footsteps behind him, and a pair of slender hands settle on his shoulders, working at the muscles there. The petulant part of him wanted to shake her off, but it was quieted by Chris undoing a bit of tension in his neck that had been there for days.

"That's exactly what you'd say if you  _did_ want to talk about it, Leonard."

"We picked up the flu vaccine at our last port, didn't we? Why aren't the hyposprays where they ought to be?"

She removes her hands to cross her arms over her chest, and Leonard nearly whines in protest before catching himself. It really was shaping up to be a bad week, wasn't it?

"I'll tell you where they are when you tell me what's bothering you."

He turns to face her, crossing his own arms over his chest and staring back at her, stubborn as ever. If it was a staredown she wanted, it was a staredown she'd get.

"I'll find them myself if you won't help me."

"You could do that. Of course, then you'd be keeping whatever's bothering you bottled up inside, and I might be tempted to put in for a psychological evaluation."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?"

Her expression is just the slightest bit smug as he sighs, dropping his arms in defeat. Chapel is a shrewd negotiator, that was for damn sure. Why, Leo McCoy had no doubts that had her ambitions lead her that direction, she would have made a fine command officer. He sighs, avoiding eye contact with her.

"It's over, Chris."

Immediately her demeanor changes, going from celebratory to somber as though someone had flipped a switch.

"What's over?"

"Jim. Me. That whole relationship. It's over.

"Oh Leo..."

And before he can protest, her arms are around him, clutching him tight to her. Almost automatically he returns the embrace, surprised by just how much of a comfort it was. Okay, so maybe he had needed to talk about it after all. Didn't change the fact that he hadn't _wanted_ to. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Chris."

"Are you sure?"

"I would be even better if I knew what you people have done with my flu vaccines."

She lets him go and strides over to what used to be an empty supply cabinet and takes down a rather full box of hyposprays, placing it dutifully in his arms.

"The box didn't fit the dimensions of the usual cabinet, so I improvised."

"I see. Thank you, Nurse."

 _For everything_ hangs unspoken in the air, but Christine hears it anyway. She's perceptive like that. It's something about her that he's always admired.

"You're welcome, Doctor. If you need anything- anything at all- don't hesitate to ask."

Leonard's mind always wanders on slow days like this, which served as a sort of curse under today's circumstances. His thoughts kept drifting back to Jim's smile, and then to the kiss, and then to last night's conversation. And then, from the pettiest, most childish recesses of his mind, a thought came to him. _What if he gave Jim a taste of his own medicine?_ He almost immediately dismissed it as stupid and immature, but try as he might, he kept going back to it. It would be satisfying, to make Jim Kirk mad with jealousy, but of course, Leonard didn't have any clue as to how to do that. _Oh but he did. He absolutely did._ Of course, that was completely preposterous. There was no way he'd consent and Leonard wasn't gonna lead a man on for the sake of payback. _But there's no harm in asking, right?_ Right?


	2. Chapter 2

"You wish to spread a rumor- shipwide -that you and I have recently engaged in sexual intercourse, in the hopes that said rumor would illicit a jealous reaction from the Captain, correct?"

"Well it sounds even stupider when you put it that way."

"More Stupid. And yes."

"Gee, thanks."

"You are welcome."

McCoy was already beginning to regret this decision. Why the hell did he think Spock would even consider this? He must be outta his goddamned mind.

"I will participate in your experiment, Doctor McCoy."

"That's completely fine, it was a dumb idea anyw- what?"

"I said 'I will participate in your experiment, Doctor McCoy.'"

"I heard ya, dammit. Now I wanna know why in hell you're actually agreeing to this. Vulcans can't even lie, can they?"

"Indeed, they cannot. It is fortunate for you, then, that I am not Vulcan. As to your former question, I am agreeing to participate simply because I believe it will be an interesting experiment in human emotion. Educational, even."

Well shoot. There it was. Spock agreeing to his petty little schemes. And of course he even had his own, logical, scientific, Spock-y reasons to boot. What kind of parallel universe had he fallen into? Had they _both_ lost their minds? Spock was supposed to be the voice of reason in all this, damn it.

"Have you a plan for getting said rumor to the bridge? I am not a suitable messenger, as gossip from me would be...suspiciously uncharacteristic."

"This whole damn thing is 'suspiciously uncharacteristic' from you! But yeah, I do. I figure if I tell Rand or Chekov, it'll be around the ship in minutes."

The science officer raised his brows, judging McCoy's plan silently. Leonard feels like he's back in grade school, waiting to see if he's given a correct answer or if he's just embarrassed himself in front of his peers. Of all the people on this godforsaken tin can, why did it have to be _Spock_ He did this with? Of course, he already knew the answer to that. _Because other than himself, Spock is the closest to Jim, and this needs to be personal._ Had he always been this vindictive?

"Assuming your theory is correct, if you told both Yeoman Rand _and_ Ensign Chekov, you could double the rate at which the rumor is spread."

McCoy nods, absentmindedly running a thumb over his bottom lip. Yeah, that could work. My god, they were really doing this, weren't they?

"Yeah...Yeah that would work. You sure you really want to do this?"

"I am quite sound in my conviction, Doctor McCoy. Are you?"

"Sure I am."

*************************************

He was not, in fact, sure of himself. Leo McCoy had never been one to really brag about the sexual encounters he actually _had_ , let alone one he'd made up. Quite frankly, he had no idea what to say. As he strode to the mess hall, trying his best to look composed, he felt his palms begin to sweat. What if they asked him for details? What would he say? What if they asked Spock and his story didn't match up? What if Jim found out he was just doing this for attention like a crazy ex girlfriend? McCoy was about ready to just turn around and head back to sickbay, when he slammed bodily into someone leaving the rec room. He looked down, surprised to find that the crewman he was currently righting was none other than Yeoman Janice Rand. Great. Fantastic. Just _peachy._

"Oh! Excuse me Doctor!"

"No, no, excuse _me_ , Yeoman. I wasn't watching where I was goin'."

"I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind, sir."

McCoy arches a brow. It had only been a few days since the breakup, and not many crewmen knew he and the Captain had been romantically involved in the first place. Could she just be that perceptive? _She's Jim's personal Yeoman, nitwit._ Right, Jim must've told her. Well, that at least would make this somewhat easier.

"Yeah, maybe I do. I was just headed down to the mess hall for some lunch. Care to join me, Yeoman?"

"Well, I don't see why not. I was just headed there myself."

Perfect. He hadn't said anything stupid or off-putting yet. Thank goodness for southern charm.

"Would it be out of line for me to ask what had you so distracted, Doctor McCoy?"

That sounded like an opportunity. An invitation, even. So why couldn't he make his damn mind up about what to say?

"Oh just a few trivial things. Personal relationships and the like."

He was blowing it. What idiot had decided this would be a good idea, anyway? All it was doing was giving him enough anxiety to shorten his lifespan by a few years. Abrubtly, Rand turns on her heels, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling them both closer to the ship's wall, out of the way of any nosy passersby. She looks him dead in the eye with something between guilt and sympathy.

"May I be frank with you, sir?"

"Of course."

"The Captain told me what happened between the two of you. I know it was none of my business, but to tell the truth I kinda saw it coming. Why, at times, it seems like the only thing James Tiberius Kirk can commit to is the command position. Don't tell him I said that."

"I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, you have a point."

"Of course I do, I'm at his beck and call. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that if you need someone to give him a good, swift kick in the pants, I'm on your side."

McCoy can't help but smile. It was nice to have someone on his side, so willing to overstep the chain of authority for him, even if they didn't talk that often. As they continue the short walk to the mess hall, he makes a mental note to chat with Rand more often. Meanwhile in the present, he'd just been given a second chance, and he wasn't gonna fuck it up this time. It was now or never.

"Well that's mighty kind of you, but I think I'm getting on much better now. Might even go so far as to say I'm over it."

Her eyes widen in surprise, and he knows he has her. He smirks a little, proud of himself. They waste little time in replicating food upon arriving, quickly sitting down to resume the now-compelling conversation. McCoy hadn't even been paying attention to what he'd put into the machine, he was so focused on the task at hand. Apparently, he was having potato salad for lunch.

"That quickly? What's your secret?"

"Oh, just a little help from the first officer. Turns out Spock's good at something other than correcting me."

"Who's good at what?"

Leonard looked up to see Lieutenant-Commander Hikaru Sulu and Ensign Pavel Chekov striding towards their table, intent on sitting down. McCoy briefly wondered if the 3 of them regularly ate lunch together, or if he was just lucky. Anyway it went, the ball had started rolling. There was no way that it wouldn't be shipwide knowledge that Spock and McCoy had slept together, true or not.

"Doctor McCoy was just telling me how good Commander Spock is with his mouth."

McCoy sputters into his drink, shocked by just how quickly Rand had transitioned from respectful underling to dirty gossip. Sulu and Chekov however, seem less concerned with the shift to vulgarity and more with the juicy tidbit offered to them. His suspicions were confirmed. This was far from their first lunch break together. He felt as though he were back in high school, and suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"You slept vith _Spock_? How'd you manage zat?"

" _Please_ , Pavel. Don't act so surprised. That tension has been building for _ages_."

"Gentlemen. Manners."

Rand turns to him, and Leonard is still stunned into silence. He'd known this was a ridiculous plan, he just didn't realize _how_ ridiculous. This is why he generally avoided gossip.

"Now, just to get it over with; does Jim know you're sleeping with Spock to make him jealous?"

Shit. _Shit_ What could he say? He couldn't make himself seem like an asshole (even if he was, a little). How'd she even come to that conclusion anyway? These people would be the death of him.

"Now where on earth did you get that idea, Yeoman?!"

"C'mon, Doctor. With Jim's flirting, it's only natural to be jealous, and what better way to get him back than to rebound with his first officer?"

Wow that really did sound terrible. _Wasn't that the exact same reasoning he had used?_ Yeah but it sounded so much worse out of someone else's mouth. HE had to do something. His reputation was at stake. McCoy puffs up, doing his best to sound scandalized.

"For your _information_ , Yeoman Rand, it wasn't just a 'wham-bam-thank-you-man' event. There was passion, hell I'd even go so far as to say it was _romantic_. It may be a little soon, but I honestly think there's something special there."

McCoy surprised even himself with the sincerity of his delivery. Three pairs of eyes blinked back at him in disbelief, and he feels himself blush. What the hell had he just started?

"You sure zis is Commander _Spock_ you are talking about? Ze man's got ze romantic capability of a houseplant."

"I dunno, Pavel. Vulcans are very private about their personal lives. Who knows what Spock could be hiding?"

"Sulu's right. I bet behind that stony glare, he's secretly sweet, right Doctor?"

"I think I've said quite enough on that. Now if you 3 busybodies will excuse me, I have a sickbay to run."

He stands and leaves as briskly as he can without seeming rude, desperate to escape before he said something else he might regret. That hadn't gone to plan at all. God why couldn't he have just been the bigger man and left well enough alone? And of course, he'd gone and implicated Spock in all of this, too. He didn't particularly _like_ the guy, but that didn't mean he deserved to be dragged down into Leonard's bullshit. Oh right. Spock. He'd have to tell him what had happened at lunch if he wanted their stories to sync up. Nervously, he licks his lips and runs a hand through his hair. _This was a really bad idea._


	3. Chapter 3

"Doctor McCoy? Are you alright?"

"Oh for god's sake- No! I am not alright, Spock."

He paced his office, in a minor panic after what had occurred in the mess hall that afternoon. Yeah, he wanted to get back at Jim, but did he want it this bad? Was it really worth all of this? And to drag poor Spock into all of this too. Maybe he _was_ an asshole. He felt sick.

"I messed up. Rand started accusing me of only sleeping with you to make Jim jealous. My reputation was at stake."

"I am confused. Is that not what you ultimately hope to achieve?"

"Yeah, but if everyone _knows_ , it won't work. And it just makes me look like an asshole."

"I...believe I understand."

His tone of voice, however, says that he absolutely does not. And of course he doesn't. It's silly and petty and not at all logical. What on earth was he thinking, getting a Vulcan involved in this? _Jim's face when he finds out he's been screwing his first officer._ Yeah. Yeah that's exactly what he'd been thinking of.

"Doctor McCoy, what exactly has changed in the nature of our false relationship since we last discussed the matter?"

"Well Mr. Spock, I think we've gone from fake-screwing to fake-dating."

"Fascinating."

Spock falls quiet for a moment, and McCoy's sure he must've lost him. Why, the pointy eared devil was probably thinking of all the ways he could rat him out to Jim right now. And you know what? He'd be right to.

"I think, in the future, it would be best to maintain an open line of communication. In order to deceive the ship as a whole, our stories must be synchronized."

"Yeah....Yeah you're right."

Everything was okay. For now, at least. Spock was still on board, he wasn't openly branding himself as a vindictive ex, and everyone had bought into the lie so far. McCoy lets out a sigh. He's just being ridiculous- something that had become a bit of a trend lately.

"Speaking of an 'open line of communication', has the uh...the news reached the bridge yet?"

"I am unsure if it has been brought to the Captain's attention as of this moment, however Lieutenant Uhura and Mr. Scott were discussing the matter. She appears to be under the impression that I have loved you from afar for some time."

"Oh that's rich."

"It is certainly an interesting hypothesis."

The corner of Spock's mouth twitches up ever so slightly- an expression McCoy has learned is a smile- and he finds himself smiling right alongside him. Spock pining after anyone was a laughable concept, but pining after _McCoy?_ Well that was an absolute riot. At least the crew was buying into it. That meant they stood a chance of Jim buying into it, too- especially if Lieutenant Uhura kept up her tales of finally-requited romance. With all of this nonsense, however, a question kept niggling at the back of his mind.

"Spock, I have to ask you- why in blue blazes are you doing all this with me?"

"I have already voiced my reasoning behind my partici-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Point is, I don't believe it. What's the _real_ reason?"

Spock looks into his eyes, as if trying to will him to drop the question. No dice. McCoy's own stubbornness wasn't to be trifled with, and in a few moments, Spock's posture slackens about as much as he ever lets it. He's won this round.

"I understand that I am not the best at expressing it, but I do consider you to be a friend, Doctor McCoy. I also understand that an acceptable form of expressing gratitude for one's companionship is through the act of exchanging favors."

That wasn't what he'd expected at all. Spock liked him? Considered him a _friend_ , even? Enough so that he'd do something completely ridiculous and illogical simply as a favor to him. Well damn.

"It's appreciated, Spock. For what it's worth, I'd consider you a friend, even if we weren't in cahoots."

"Thank you, Doctor."

*********************************

"I saw Mr. Spock leaving your office earlier. Anything you want to tell me, Leo?"

McCoy almost jumps out of his skin at the sound of Chapel's voice behind him, having thought that he was alone in the sickbay. He had just been on his way out for the night, and hadn't really been expecting to be interrogated. He turns to find her standing with her hands on her hips like an angry mother.

"Boy word sure does travel fast on this tin can huh?"

"I don't understand why I didn't find out about it sooner!"

He looks into her grey-blue eyes, fixed on him with frustration and a little bit of hurt. Leonard McCoy could do many, many things, but lie to Christine Chapel was not one of them. He sighed, shoulders sagging.

"Alright, you win. I'm not dating Spock. Haven't so much as given him a flirty glance."

"And you thought that if Jim thought you and Spock were having an affair, he'd finally understand what he was doing to you?"

"Shit, Chris, am I really that predictable?"

"Yes. What I can't figure out is how you got Spock on board."

Leonard just shrugs. Something gave him the feeling that the conversation he'd had with Spock earlier should remain between them. Maybe it was the rare admission of a feeling from the half-Vulcan, or simply that the nature of what they were doing was secretive. Whatever it was, he kept his mouth shut.

"Okay, don't tell me then. But answer me something- Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

She rolls her eyes, evidently frustrated with his obstinance. And who could blame her? Leo McCoy knew he was as stubborn as a mule and about half as easy to handle. Why Christine put up with him was anyone's guess.

"You've just ended a serious relationship, you're acting dodgy and nervous, you're making up silly stories to make your ex jealous, do I need to go on, or do you get the picture?"

"The truth?"

"I will accept no less."

"I don't know, Chris. I'm upset, and I'm tired, and sometimes it's like the only thing that is keeping me upright is spite. I'm doing the best I can, I guess."

"I know you are, Leo."

She places a hand on his shoulder sympathetically.

"Your best just really stinks right now."

"Yeah it really does, doesn't it?"

They share a laugh at his expense, the sound reverberating off of the empty sickbay walls. God what the hell had his life become?

"So how long are you going to 'date' Spock?"

"Until it works. Or doesn't. Or until it kills me. Whatever happens first."

"Seems like a plan. Do you need any help selling it? I could make up some spicy details to really seal the deal."

"Yeah I'm sure you could. You've a whole database of dirty thoughts about that old hobgoblin, haven't you?"

"Hush, you!"

It was Chapel's turn to be embarrassed, and she smacks him on the arm just a little harder than necessary.

"You watch yourself, Doctor McCoy! I could blow this whole thing wide open if I wanted to!"

"You could. But you won't."

"You're right. Get some rest, Leonard."

McCoy headed back to his quarters, the anxiety plaguing him lessened by his talk with Chapel. It felt nice to be able to get it off of his chest. Sure, he hadn't exactly been reassured that he was making sound decisions, but ultimately, that didn't matter anymore. They were already neck deep in this and there was no way to stop it. At least it seemed to be working. He would be the first to admit that he was surprised at how readily everyone seemed to accept that he and Spock were falling in love. Maybe Jim would accept it just as quickly. And oh, that would be worth it all- watching Jim realize that he's losing McCoy to _Spock_ of all people. At least, in theory. Leonard didn't know if it'd send Jim crawling back to him all apologies and open arms or not, but in the end that wasn't what he was after anyway. All he wanted was a bit of sweet revenge, and it looked like he was gonna get it. Dating Spock. What a fucking concept.


	4. Chapter 4

"What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Why, Jim, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Needless to say, the rumor had finally reached the Captain's ears, and McCoy fought wildly to keep the smirk from his face as Jim interrogated him in his office, hands splayed across his desk and mouth set in a thin, tight line. Leonard hadn't seen him this angry in a while, and it made him feel like the cat that got the canary. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair, blue eyes meeting Jim's with an almost innocent look.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. It's childish and undignified, and I want it to stop."

"Jim, I'm serious. I have no idea what it is you're in here accusing me of, and you better explain yourself before I throw you out."

"This business with Spock. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you're suddenly smitten with him. I know this is all some sort of scheme to get back at me, and that's just low."

McCoy raises his eyebrow in a mixture of surprise and offense. Good ol Jim; so observant and intelligent- it's almost enough to make Leonard's heart stutter in his chest again. Yeah, Jim may have his brains and his charm, but Leo had the lead in every high school play.

"James Tiberius Kirk, I cannot _believe_ what you are insenuating! Why, in all the years you've known me, when have I ever done something so petty?!"

"Never, which is why it's so surprising to me that you'd start now!"

McCoy leans over his desk, looking up into Kirk's eyes with all the indignation that he can muster.

"I am allowed to _move on_ , Jim. I am not your damn _property_ , and if I wanna spend my free hours in Spock's lap, then I damn well will!!"

"Of course you are! I just happen to find it suspicious considering normally you two are at each other's throats!"

"Just admit it. You're _jealous_ , Jim. You're jealous and you're letting it impair your observation skills. This has been a long time coming and you oughta have seen it!"

Jim opens his mouth as if to shout something back, and as if on cue, the door to McCoy's office slides open. Spock strides through the office door as surely as if he'd had an appointment, glancing between the two men passively. Leonard does his best to keep the surprise from showing on his face. What was that pointy-eared devil up to now?

"Doctor McCoy, is everything alright?"

Spock speaks to him directly, as if the Captain weren't even there, and McCoy can't help but smile. He doesn't get attention like this often, and he can tell that being glanced over by his own first officer is a first for Jim, who stood unmoving as though he'd become a part of the scenery. He'll play along, if only to see how it'll play out.

"Everything's peachy, sweetheart. What brings you all the way down to my neck of the woods?"

"You are approximately 15.7 minutes late for our dinner engagement. I had come to inquire as to your whereabouts when I heard shouting. Naturally, I investigated."

"Oh shoot. I must've lost track of time. But it's nothing to worry about. Just a difference of opinion, right Jim?"

"Yes. That's right. Just a difference of opinion, Mr. Spock."

There's a defeatedness in Jim's voice that McCoy can't recall ever hearing before, and somewhere beneath a thick layer of pride, his heart breaks a little more. Shit. This really _was_ eating at him, wasn't it? Before he had the chance to begin to feel guilty about it, Spock steps forward and in one fluid movement, completely shatters the world as McCoy knows it. The damn hobgoblin leans forward and presses the softest of kisses to his forehead, gently pushing his hair out of the way with one hand. Warmth blossoms in him, radiating from the point of contact throughout all of his nerves. Okay, whatever accolades he had been prepared to bestow upon himself for his acting skills now definitely belonged to Spock. He fights to keep himself from yelling at him as he feels a dark blush creeping onto his cheeks. He's gone too far now to blow it all over something as trivial as a kiss on the forehead.

"In that case, I shall leave you to settle your disputes in peace. Do endeavor to settle them in a timely manner, however. I do not intend upon waiting all night. Good evening, Captain."

It's the first time Spock's acknowledged Jim since he walked in, and McCoy is too busy reeling from the events that had just transpired to even take in whatever Jim's reaction to this was. He was beginning to wonder if this wasn't all some strange nightmare. And then, he's alone with Jim again, and the atmosphere around them has completely changed. Far from angry, Jim sags over his desk like a kicked puppy, the absolute picture of remorse, and Leonard feels a harsh tug at his heartstrings. When Jim looked at him like that, why he could almost take him back right then and there. But he can't. He bottles up that residual affection best he can, fixing him with an unreadable stare.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Bones. You're right- I don't own you. This wasn't a conversation that needed to happen, and I shouldn't have put you through that."

"I appreciate that, Jim. I really do. I hate to cut this emotional lil moment short, but-"

"I've already made you late for your date. Don't worry, I'll get out of your hair. Oh, and Bones?"

"Yes?"

"Have fun."

Jim flashes him a winning smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and McCoy's heart about breaks in two. Jim's never fake-smiled at him. Jim's never felt the need to hide from him like that. The thought crosses him that he might have just broken them beyond repair. It takes all of McCoy's willpower to keep himself from chasing him out the door and falling into his arms, babbling apologies and declarations of love. He needed a drink. Or a good slap to the face. Or both.

**********************************

"What the hell was that about?!"

"I....I do not understand to what you are referring, nor do I understand why you are in my quarters."

"Do you have the memory of a goldfish or somethin? We have a 'dinner engagement', remember?"

"I had assumed that you understood we were 'playing make-believe', Doctor. I apologize if I had not made that clear."

"And the kiss? What the _hell_ was-"

"Once more, merely a method of securing our 'relationship' in the Captain's eyes. I do not understand why you are so aggravated over the matter, Doctor McCoy."

Spock looks up at him with the same stoic expression as always, confusion shining behind his dark brown eyes. This wasn't fair to him- after all, it wasn't Spock he was upset with. In fact, from the very beginning of this, Spock had been nothing but a model friend. Perhaps even better than Leonard deserved. No, _definitely_ better than he deserved. As difficult as it was for him to admit it, he was being an ass and Spock didn't deserve it. McCoy sits beside Spock on the edge of the mattress with a sigh.

"It's not you, Spock. You've been nothing short of excellent this week. Better than I expected, I'll admit. I'm taking my frustrations out on you and I'm sorry for that."

"You need not apologize. If I am to understand correctly, it has been an emotionally taxing week for you."

"Tch. What would you know about emotional stress, huh?"

"A great deal more than I let on, Doctor."

"Spock?"

"Yes?"

"Am I a bad person?"

Spock gives him another look and McCoy is certain he's confusing him again, but he can't bring himself to care. Certainly he'd get an honest answer from a Vulcan, and that's all he needed. A good, honest answer.

"I do not believe I understand the question. Morality is entirely subjective and to label one as wholly 'good' or 'bad' would be negli-"

"That's not what I meant, damn it. Do _you_ think I'm a bad person?"

"I do not think you are without fault, however I have certainly encountered 'worse' people, at least by human standards. My father comes to mind, immediately."

"You think I'm barely better than _Sarek?!_ "

"I- that is not what I intended to-"

But he's not listening anymore. He's heard all he needs. McCoy buries his head in his hands, doing his best to keep from crying, his shoulders shaking with the effort of it. Without warning, a pair of arms wrap themselves around him and he finds himself pulled stiffly against Spock's body in what is perhaps the most awkward hug he's ever experienced. It's so startling that he forgets that he was wallowing in self loathing.

"What.....are you doing?"

"I am comforting you. This is the appropriate procedure, correct?"

McCoy can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all, leaning into Spock lightly and feeling him stiffen against him.

"Yeah, sort of. It works better when you're not so opposed to touching the person."

"Leonard, I am trying my best."

"I know you are. I appreciate it."

Then it hits him. Spock just called him 'Leonard'. Spock, stoic first officer, half-vulcan, and the closest thing to a mortal enemy he had, was sitting here, holding him and calling him by his first name. He chuckles under his breath.

"You know you just called me 'Leonard', right?"

"I am aware. Should I refrain from doing so?"

"No, no it's just....ya know, _Jim's_ never even called me that."

Spock looks down at him with an expression that McCoy doesn't recognize on him and can't quite pinpoint, before raising an eyebrow. Leonard just shrugs. What else can he do? It is the truth, after all. It was almost funny to him that fucking _Spock_ called him by his first name before Jim had.

"....Fascinating."

However the way he says it is far from his usual tone of voice. It's so cold that it nearly sends a shiver down McCoy's spine. He sits up, and Spock returns his hands to their original position folded in his lap.

"I should probably be going. I've bothered you enough for one evening."

"Your presence is not a bother, but I would like to take the time to meditate."

"Thanks, Spock. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Doctor McCoy"

That night, sleep does not come easy for Leonard McCoy. He's plagued by the thought of Jim's fake smiles and brokenhearted tone, and worse still, by the sound of his first name in Spock's baritone voice and the phantom feeling of warm lips on his forehead. He doesn't know how he feels about anything anymore. It's like his whole world has been turned upside down and he doesn't know his left from his right. But they're scheduled for shore leave soon, so he holds onto the hope that he'll at least be able to relax on whatever starbase they end up at. God knows he needs it, after living in a hell of his own creation for the past week.


End file.
